Yard Wars: Deleted Scenes

Okay, so I wander out back onto the deck...guess you can see this coming.

Went out there with the dog, one fall morning in 2008, to get some fresh air and enjoy the exceptionally warm weather we were having that November. I happened to glance up into a walnut tree that stands in the middle of the little forest that marks the end of our backyard. Up on a broken off branch, sat a little squirrel. About a foot behind that little tree rat was yet another. Nothing too odd about that; our trees are always filled with the little nibble-heads.

Without provocation, the latter squirrel approaches the first. They make contact, exchange words, and I prepare myself for what looked as if it would be an epic battle...or even a chase! You know I don’t like the little boogers, but I will concede that their daredevil jumps at high speed can be first-rate entertainment. Instead of fighting, the squirrel in back reaches up, grabs a hold of, and starts doing something strange to, the front squirrel. Now, I'm no zoologist, but I can say, with relative certainty that these two were not…umm…"fighting." Nope, that was not fighting right there.

What is this world coming to? You wander out into your own yard, expecting a relaxing moment of communing with nature...and instead you're exposed to blatant and shameless rodent sex! My poor dog, Casey was clearly traumatized by the whole incident, and I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to explain it to her. She’s been fixed, and knows nothing of such things. Honestly, I wasn’t all that comfortable with it myself — and I haven’t been fixed.

After the disturbing display finally ended, the squirrel that initiated the encounter casually gathered his nuts, and wandered off as if nothing had ever happened — leaving his girl hanging out on a limb. This is so typical of these irresponsible creatures. You know, he probably didn’t even call her in the morning.

I can't be sure, but I would almost swear that a few little puffs of smoke drifted up from a nearby branch.